This little corner of my "yard" is a fucking mess. Believe or not, there was a time when it was much worse. And there also was a time when it was actually nice and clean. But those were the pre-Dumbass Jones days, if you get my drift. This little area of paradise was a dream come true for drunkards that could just "let go" and do things that everybody's mother told them not to do. Breaking empty bottles was a delight, yes it was quite pleasurable. Add an enormous amount of empty beer cans, leftover food scraps, unused or broken musical equipment, road cones, desks, office racing chairs and yard waste, and you have what most civilized humans would consider a dump. But to top it all off, a PISS BUCKET! Fuck yea man.

The problem is, the dogs. Even though they loved digging for unkown treasures, it just couldnt be. So I spent two weeks cleaning that mess up. It was horrible to say the least. I got it back to a fairly livable area again, but it slowly transformed back into a shit pile. I bitched and bitched and held my ground for a long time, but I'm beginning to think I've lost the battle. So my main concern is to keep the dogs out of there.

Luke eats aluminum cans. I know because I've seen shreaded aluminum in his crap. He also eats glass. I've seen him chew up glass like he was eating an almond roca. I don't know whether he's dumb, or just trying to be stupid, but I need to keep him out of there. Not to mention the worst of his habits, drinking out of the PISS BUCKET! So enough is enough. Now there's a fence that so far he can't get through.

But now there's another problem. There's apparently a big rat living under the brush pile that is my next chore to get rid of. Luke, being a hound, can't stand the fact that he can't get at it, so he stands at the fence and barks his head off at 1:00 in the morning. By now all the neighbors have been woken up and I have to climb my dumb ass out of bed, get dressed and go get him back in the house. Ever heard a hound dog bark when he means business? I'd rather beat by China cymbal to death for an hour until I can't hear anything but a steady ringing in my ears.

Shit in a bowl bitch!

I read the news today o'boy......about a poor dog that was beaten by his owner with a fucking hammer. Man accused of beating family dog with hammer

When I read that my heart just sank to my knees. I've owned dogs all my life and they are the most loyal loving creatures if they're treated right, no matter what breed they are. It all starts with how they're treated, and it's unfortunate that there are so many mother fuckers out there that have no right owning a dog. People that own dogs for the soul purpose of status or "my dog can kick your dogs ass" mentality suck. Or worse yet, to own a dog and treat it like it's just a piece of low life shit, need to have thier asses kicked, or better yet, beaten to a bloody pulp with a hammer. Unless a dog owner wants a dog to be a companion, best friend or be a part of the family, they should never be allowed to own one, period. Usually when a dog becomes violent, it's because thier owners mistreated them, it doesn't take a genious to figure that out. If a dog is treated with love and respect, and has the proper training, he/she will be your friend for life. Unfortunatley for many dogs, the desire to be loved and treated well will just never happen because there's so many fucked up people in this world that think treating a poor defencless animal makes them feel superior, when in fact, they're nothing but a piece of shit to society.

The sad thing is, this kind of bullshit goes on all the time, and that's why I donate to the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA).

This shit just pisses me the fuck off.

People that are cruel to animals under any circumstance can rot in fucking hell as far as I'm concerned.

I'd like to know who the dumbass is that decided WE need a 1 gallon flush toilet? One fucking gallon? It all sounds like a great idea, but it's all a bunch of bullshit as far as I'm concerned. What's worse, is the fact that unless you're a business or live in Canada, you can't get a "real" toilet anymore. Again, we've been forced to accept this porcelain piece of shit for the purpose of "saving water"! Save water my ass, you throw more than 5 squares of TP in it and it plugs up! After you flush the fucker 5 times you might get lucky and see your ( I won't go into it ) dissappear into the depths of the sewer. How's THAT saving water? For christs sakes man, we live in a fucked up part of the country where it rains 300 days out of the year! Why the fuck should we be concerned about saving water except for the fact that the water department is always trying to stick it to us with any excuse they can dream up to suck more money out of our pocket.

I know the earlier designs where problamatic, so manufacturers came up with the super "power assist" toilet. I never bought one because you have to give your left nut to own one, but I'm sure they're just a smoke screen to get the masses to pay more for the same basic bullshit. Anyone ever flush an industrial toilet? Now that's a fuckin toilet! You can dump or throw as much bullshit into as you can dream up, and when you hit the lever, stand back or you might get sucked into the abyss. But you can't buy them at Lowes or Home Depot, so you're basically "shit" out of luck.

When you buy a 1 gallon flush water saver piece of shit, it should come standard with a chrome plated toilet plunger or a standby asscracked plumber. But you might get tired of hearing " Jesus Christ man, not again. You need to stop eating at Mcdonalds dude, this is getting rediculous".

Yea, tell me about it!

Laundry is a science that baffles my mind sometimes, and depending upon how much beer is consumed can alter the amount of baffledness. First off, I seem to lose underware and socks over a period of time. Where do they go? My first suspects would be the dogs since underware and socks seem to be a prize possesion of thiers. But they're not in the yard or anywhere else so I'm assuming they just dissapeared. Some stupid alien science project perhaps? Who the fuck knows, I know I don't.

Then there's the mystery of inside out T-shirts that I can't figure out. I hate it when all my T-shirts come out of the dryer inside-out! It's a pain in the ass. So I decided to do an experiment one day and turn them inside-out right from the get go and see if they end up outside out. Nope, they still ended up inside-out. What the fuck is up with that?

Then there's the dryer filter that apparently I'm the only one that knows exists because everytime I check it, it's plugged solid. I"m really surprized the last dryer we had lasted as long as it did since John and Dustin decided to dry out an old wet log one day so they could burn it. Apparently it made so much god damn noise that they removed it before it could destroy the dryer. Lucky me.

I also hate hanging the fucking shit up. I'd much rather leave it in the laundry basket. It's just so much easier to have all my shit in one spot. All I have to do is dig out what I want to wear from one location instead of searching through the closet or dresser. That's too much work and I aint got time for it. But there's a catch.......the underware and socks have to be at the bottom of the pile, otherwise they end up in a tug-of-war contest between two Beagles. Shit.

Is there anybody out there besides me who's sick of hearing about Tigers Woody? I don't give a rats ass about his personal life, or his so called proffessional life either. He's a million dollar spoiled brat that plays the ultimatly boring game of GOLF! Give me a fucking break. It doesn't surprize me in the least that he has nothing better to do than whore his dumbass around because people like him think they're invinsible to the world........."I can do anything I want because I'm a rich spoiled pathetic douchbag that makes a living off of hitting a little white ball accross the grass and dropping it in a little fucking hole". FUUUUUUUUCK THAAAAAAT!!!!

How about our wonderful wicked witch of the west govonor? It's bad enough that people are struggling from payday to payday these days, and those are the ones with jobs, but she decides it's time to raise taxes on an already taxed to death state. Fuck her! It's not right that our state government fucked up thier budget and now the only way out of thier incompetence is to make us pay for thier mistakes. Maybe they should cut some fat at thier end for once! How far do we have to bend over before enough is enough? And I'd like to know how many stupid asses voted her in again anyway?! Go ahead and start taxing the air we breath, because I don't give a flying fuck anymore!

It's nice to know that smoking is still allowed in "PUBLIC OWNED OUTDOOR PARKS"! For now anyway, but the writing is on the wall. Those of you closet dwellers that still think this is a free country have your heads up your ass. If I'm smoking in an outdoor park and some goody-two-shoe puritan yuppy has a problem with it, you'll see me on the 5 O'clock news. They can go fuck themselves and shove that taxed bottle of spring water up thier ass. And I'm certain they'd probably enjoy it.